Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

Television's leading comedians devoted the evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, labeled the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas tune about the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he handles."

The focus was the controversial initiative that enables international citizens to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" version for $5 million. The program's page guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"One message here to wealthy foreigners: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the scheme is also designed to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, with hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging poll numbers during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.